Finding the Silver Lining

Our family is still without a permanent child care solution, but the chaos that has ensued has had the effect of shaking us out of our stale routines, with some unexpected benefits. Prior to this, we had settled into a pretty even (but disturbingly traditional) division of labor. I cooked, shopped and handled child related duties, Fritz did kitchen clean up and household maintenance.

For the past couple weeks we've been trading child care and transportation duties, shuttling the girls to school in the morning, then picking up Hazel from preschool and getting her to her temporary child care situation (the nice old lady from an earlier post), picking up Lily from school a few hours later, and finally collecting Hazel at 5. Thursday and Friday of this week I was completely off child duties due to out of town meetings. What's more, I had to work both evenings to catch up on work that I had fallen behind on due to all the mixed up days. When I popped in between meetings on Thursday evening, Lily begged me to quickly make dinner so they wouldn't have to settle for Fritz's standard, spaghetti. Rude and insensitive - and as it turned out, unfounded. Fritz expanded his culinary efforts significantly both evenings, to rave reviews. When I arrived home at 7:30 last night, I found grilled chicken breasts that had been marinated in a tasty rub involving lime rind(!) and "other stuff." Of course the microplane grater is also a woodworking tool, so this wasn't as much of a stretch as it might seem, but still...I was impressed. And the salad! Lettuce, arugula, broccoli, feta, onions and tomatoes. Awesome. Plus, he did laundry.

I noticed that after only two days of not being the one connecting with the kids' other lives at school and child care I felt out of touch with them - more aware that they have whole lives away from me. They feel a little less "mine." A loss for me, but the benefits to Fritz and the girls more than make up for it.

What to Do?

As of now, I have no child care provider. I have known for a week and a half that my provider was closing, and have even visited two programs, but I feel paralyzed to be in this position again. This will make the fifth child care situation in Hazel's four short years of life - not counting the piecemeal care I have had to use when my regular providers closed for family health emergencies. Here is a brief summary of our child care history:

• Nice elderly lady next door. Pros: good food, $5/day; cons: antique toys, soap operas .
• Home based provider #1- good program, nutritious meals, good philosophical match...until her husband was diagnosed with an aggressive malignant brain tumor (39 yrs old). Complicated situation, but a simple decision after I arrived to find my 2 yr old shrieking, shut in a dark, windowless bathroom.
• Home based provider #2 - Constantly on the road, dragging Hazel on errands. Became a real issue when Lily got off the school bus and had no one to meet her.
• Licensed Center - another parent referred to it as feeling like you are dropping your kid off at Walmart, complete with teenagers in belly shirts. Pulled the girls when Hazel started throttling her dolls and saying "YOU GO TO TIME OUT!" through clenched teeth.
• Registered Home #3 - Nice environment, good curriculum. There was spam - yes, the mystery meat in can - and I was working up the courage to discuss this with my provider when unbelievably her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor (34 yrs old). Could my kids be carcinogenic? She wisely took time off when she needed to tend to her family and her own needs (as opposed to locking toddlers in dark rooms), but this creates financial hardship, so she understandably found steady employment with benefits.

So here I am again. Gunshy thanks to my horrific track record, finding the knowledge I have as the director of a child care resource and referral agency to be more of a liability than an asset. If I didn't know what quality care looked like, I wouldn't have all these nagging doubts. I'd be like every other parent with no options, find the least problematic place to leave my "baby" (Lily now attends the after school program, which simplifies things), and try not to think about it. I half-jokingly asked Fritz if he'd like to be a stay at home dad for a while. Not sure we could swing it (actually pretty sure we can't), but it's only for a year until H is in kindergarten...Maybe a parent cooperative?

I don't want to rush my girls' childhoods, but I can't wait to be done with the child care conundrum. This system needs help!